Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
