awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
im six kinds of drunk right now
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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