I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
