i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
