I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
she peed on how many people?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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