I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
it was like eating out sand paper
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
