So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
