who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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