look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
