I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize