Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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