Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
