I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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