Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
