You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
