oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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