wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
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