Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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