yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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