i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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