I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
