Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
