Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize