I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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