Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
