It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
