Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
