You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
