My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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