I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
