so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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