I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
