Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
