I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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