fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
