My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
3 2 1 whiskey
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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