i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
