If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
They are going to name an STD after you.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
