I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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