Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
