hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
