you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
