Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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