Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
