he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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