im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
