I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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