I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
