is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
