bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
