kristin has been a bad kristin
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
