wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
