You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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