i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
