I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm way too hungover for life right now
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
