Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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