hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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