How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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