kristin has been a bad kristin
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
