we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize