i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize