someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
