Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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