Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
