Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
As shirtless as possible
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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