Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize