I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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