Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
