dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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