belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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