went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
