So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
