You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
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