So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You were trust falling into bushes
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
