I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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