So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
