Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
