that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
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