If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
